Anyone else know that song by Fatboy Slim? “Eat. Sleep. Rave. Repeat.” Well, the beat is cool and runs though my head a lot. It’s a great workout song as it gets you pumped for any gym sesh! That beat is the inspo for this post.
Restrict. Binge. Guilt. Repeat. has been the story of my life. For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with my weight. As a teen I did Jenny Craig and the “Cabbage Soup Diet”. It is just as awful as it sounds. I look back on those photos from high school and am utterly dismayed at how body dysmorphia set the stage for a lifetime of dieting, and failure at dieting.
As an adult, I tried all the latest diet trends. In essence, I learned to restrict food intake, over-exercise to account for eating “bad” foods (e.g. gotta burn off those cookies), binge, and then bask in shame and guilt until I was ready to restrict again. As a result, I never developed a healthy relationship with food.
My life revolves around my weight. In my view, my size was all anyone saw in me – or at least it was the most important thing about me. “Oh she’s nice but … needs to lose weight.” “Pretty face but…”. “Lacks willpower.” “Smart but can’t seem to figure out how to be thin.” “Look at what she’s eating.” All sentiments I’ve heard about others and saw in myself. Why couldn’t I figure this weight loss thing out? Back to restriction.
There is so much to say about this, and diet culture in general. I hope to use this blog as a way for me to process what I am learning through my eating disorder treatment and recovery. I hope the message resonates with someone suffering from chronic dieting, binging, or just for a friend or loved one of someone suffering. This is a gentle reminder that you may not even know that the person around you is suffering, that disordered eating has taken over his or her life and self-worth. So, be kind.
Getting Out Of My Bed 